Relationships: 4 things I keep in mind

I’m not an expert when it comes to business or on how to build relationships. It’s just been years of trial and error. Relationships that I’ve had all my life and other bridges that have been burned along the way. There’s a lesson in every relationship and sometimes the most painful ones have a way of imprinting the lesson deep in your mind.

The facts of what happens in your life might be interpreted differently inside your mind.

If you don’t learn to control your own mind, it has a way of making small things become catastrophic and in other cases, it makes bigger and more important issues just somehow blow by the wayside.

To me, building a relationship based on trust, personal value and reciprocation takes time. A constant push and pull whether that be with friendly advice, telling you something you need to hear, or helping you when you need it.

When times are tough, at least one of you will sacrifice to keep the relationship strong. I suppose, if there is not enough trust, value or reciprocation – neither of you try to keep it alive.

The things I’ve done to help myself navigate through the turbulence of maintaining relationships comes down to constantly reminding myself of 4 things:

1. Just be yourself – you can’t do more than that
   I’ve often fallen into the trap of thinking “I’m not good enough” or feeling like I don’t belong and even feel like an outsider or rejected. I’ve come to realise that how people choose to respond to you is their choice. There was a time where I overplayed this though, and just expressed my thoughts without keeping other people’s emotions and sensitivities in mind.
   

2. Don’t expect anything from other people.
   It’s understandable for you to uphold your own standards in relationships. It isn’t fair to cast your expectations on others.
   

3. You don’t know the other person’s story.
   How other people act and behave says more about what is happening with them. I know that when I’m going through a rough patch, it’s hard to see things through rose-coloured glasses.
   

4. Peaks and Troughs are normal.
   The universal law – whatever contracts must also relax. Too often I see relationships not “ebbing” and “flowing” but rather, they stay too intense for too long and end badly or they stay too relaxed and both parties perceive the other as they ‘don’t care’. Find the gentle balance.